Tuesday, 21 July 2009

How to get man back to the moon

On the 40th Anniversary of the Moon Landing, I've figured how to get us back up there!

All it requires is one little man with a gripe against America...

Open letter to Kim Jong-Il from the adventurous people of planet Earth.


Dear Kim,

We loved you in Team America. But we do not wish to talk about your wonderful acting. We're writing to you to ask you a favour. We understand you don't like the Yanks much, and frankly, neither do we. They're fat, loud and obnoxious, preaching to everyone about how great and free they are, and yet they can't even show a boob on television without the whole country going apeshit.

We know you have rockets and nukes, but we know, as well as you do, that you wouldn't be able to fire one off before you were bombed back into the stone age. Sure, you might be able to hurt South Korea or Japan, but look what happened to them last time someone fucked with them! You can't deny either country is better off since the war, much better off the France, the UK and USA. Hell, the Japs have huge fuckoff robots everywhere!

So, as adventurous people of planet Earth, people who love adventure and want to see our race spread out amongst the stars, we ask you to direct your attention and missiles away from the pissants here, and instead look to the stars. After all, there are billions of planets out there waiting to be subverted to the communist cause! Hell, find one with the right kind of life, and you could be greeted as a God much like Chris Columbus was when he arrived in the Americas!

But that’s a little ways off, obviously. The first step should be the moon. If you get to the moon I guarantee this will completely piss off the Americans and Japanese, more so than if you bombed them. You bomb them, you’re ash. You own the moon, maybe charge people a fee for looking at it, and bam! Not only is your country rich, you can start negotiating properly with the capitalistic pigdogs on this planet.

Of course, this may create a space race, like in the 1960s and you might find the going tough. After all, the Americans do have an advantage with the quote International unquote space station spying on you as well as being a base of operations, but I’m sure that with your intelligence and demeanour you will be able to win at what ever you try.

Yours truly,

The adventurous people of planet Earth

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