Friday 29 October 2010

Art Movements for Fun and Profit

I went to the Art Gallery a while back with my friend Ritters, and we wandered into the "modern art" section.

Looking at the ridiculous painting of white on white, and a long beam painted black, and other equally rubbish "artworks" got me thinking.

Warhol, Picasso, Dali, etc were all part of different movements. A single yet diverse field of artists united with a common goal. You know this, of course.

You also know they made money out of it.

So, I theorised that to make money from Art, you need to be part of a movement.

Based on minimalist modern art, I've come up with a sure fire way to make money out of art with the amount of work.

It shall be called "Lazyism".

Unfinished pieces. Splatters on canvas. Hell, splatters on the drop rug. "Found art". "Reimagined art". Pastiche / cut and paste. Photochops. Unedited Video. Photos. You know, stuff anybody could do, and everybody does.

The thing is, you need to stand apart from everybody else. The way to do this these days is not to actually do something different with your art, but just market yourself as if you're different.

I could do a show all about lazy works, charge $5 a head, sell the works for few hundred!

(although technically putting on a show doesn't follow the Lazyism creed, but we can work around that for now)

I will be rich... eventually, when people realise my genius!

I've already started on my first piece. I'm going to get a piece of canvas and lay it on the ground. Throw some paint on it, and then leave it. Let bugs and dirt and leaves and shit fall on it.

Sure, I'm too lazy to start it yet, but I will eventually.

But I'll also need other works.

So, artists, I'm sure you'd have half finished stuff around you've got no time to finish.

I say fuck it, we'll just show it. You don't need to do anything to it. In fact, doing something to it is against the Lazyism creed!

(By the way, I actually typed this back when Ritters was over visiting... I've just been too lazy to post it, until now. Now I need the money...)

Monday 4 October 2010

"You're a bit of an asshole, aren't you"

I was at this club I've been to a couple of times, and I actually never knew the area was Collingwood until Saturday night laugh

Anyway, I'm standing there talking to this guy about him being in the Cech Army, as you do, when this girl whos' sitting on a chair on the table opposite me looks at me and gestures for me to come over.

I think "allllllrrrright!!!" and gingerly go over to her, and lean down to hear her.

She says: "You're a bit of an asshole, aren't you".

Sure, I've been out of the game for a while, but I gotta admit that's the strangest pick up line I've ever heard. However, she was obviously a Collingwood supporter, so you know, could be their mating call.

I say "how do you mean?"

She then dribbles some shit about me talking about her. Somehow, even though until the point where she gestured to me did I even look in her direction, she thought we were talking about her.

I just looked at her. I was dumbfounded.

Then I said "Sorry love, you're mistaken" and wandered off. Of course, after this incident, I proceeded to talk about her, telling my friends of just what happened (they all thought I was going to pick up too)

Fucking Collingwood supporters.

Wednesday 11 August 2010

They're all as bad as each other...

Before you vote Green this election because you don't like Lib/Lab, remember, they are just the same, only smaller.

They want to work within the system, so therefore they are part of the system and therefore part of the problem.

After all, how can such a "progressive party" who are so positive about Climate Change and Internet Filtering and all those nice and feely good things endorse someone like Dr Clive Hamilton, the so-called ethics professor, whose ethical standards are about that of a male bulldog with blue balls in a room full of bitches on heat...

Remember, for Hitler to get into power, some Jews would have voted for him as well...

Friday 6 August 2010

FunkyJ & the psycho

I was recently asked to be a reporter for a games website -

One of my first stories was going to be on Michael Atkinson and how he, after accusing the Liberals of inventing a person to criticise him in the newspapers, was doing it himself. I had grand dreams of bringing Atkinson to his knees and him resigning in disgrace.

So, for my story I did a bit of research and came up with a lead, and, as I've been properly trained to by the good folks at the University of South Australia, I followed up on that lead with a simple email inquiry.

However, it turns out I was wrong.

The person I thought was an Atkinson plant turned out to be real, and indeed wrote an article which was published. In a sense, you can say I did "an Atkinson".

And although the author of this article holds a difference of opinion to me, I find that perfectly acceptable as I am civil enough to respect peoples difference of opinion.

However, here's where things get a bit crazy.

Although I made a simple inquiry via email, the person I contacted decided rather than reply to my email like a civil, mature, and well adjusted person finding themselves in the same position would, they would visit my website, find out my gamertag, and reply to me via Xbox Live.

This is incredibly creepy.

You may say "but Funky J, you stalked this person yourself!" but you would be wrong.

I had a legitimate reasonable doubt to the authenticity of this publication, and was following a lead for a story I was planning to write. Following leads is what all good journalists do before writing a story.

You see, instead of just accusing people of being fake like Michael Atkinson did, I did my research and found a lead, which I followed. I told that lead up front why I was contacting them, what I was doing, and what my angle would be. That was to be the extent of my contact with them if they so wished it. I was wrong, so I will not pursue that story nor will I contact that individual again over this matter.

However, I feel this person responded in what I consider is the most childish fashion imaginable by stalking me and accusing me of harassment. What makes this worse is this individual holds a valuable position within society and under normal circumstances would be seen as an upstanding citizen.

So I'd just like to take this opportunity to suggest to this individual they should think about how they respond to people in the media in future. Something like this might look bad if, for example, I had good friends in the media or maybe related to their field of employment, or even a good cop friend, and had a mention of this odd behavior in their ear.

But then again I'm just a immature gamer, I couldn't possibly know anyone of any importance... Could I?

Wednesday 16 June 2010

Seriously good at my job

OK, ok, I know I promised to update this site more often, but it's not happening.

Firstly, I don't like posting from my iphone. I find the app too annoying, and the touch keypad too awkward for long posts.

I'm getting up at 6am, getting home at 6pm, and when I get home from work I just want to catch up on the day I've missed by reading Kotaku, IO9, Gizmodo, The Older Gamers, inthemix, Penny Arcade, my Google Reader links, and Facebook.

And of course, cook and eat dinner, watch the news, and play videogames. Because of the early mornings and 2 hour travelling time a day, by 10pm I'm ready for bed.

So I have very little time to blog.

And besides, I'd just bitch about how much I fucking hate Call Centre work for exposing me to the flotsam and jetsam of this great country we call Australia, which is hardly productive.

Unsurprisingly enough, I'm very good at my job. I came second in the class overall after James, who has worked in a call centre with the program Seibel before.

I also got a 100% Customer Satisfaction Survey in my first week, and hit most of the early targets that have been set for us n00bs.

And the call centre has some of the nicest looking women I have seen in Melbourne to date.

But I can't help but think, when I'm applying myself like this to a shit job that's going to take me nowhere and make me hate most of the obviously underprivileged people of whom I used to call Brothers and Sisters in the fight against "Da Man!" by exposing me to their sheer stupidity and unwillingness to learn (I mean how fucking hard is it to understand a god damn phone bill!? ), what do you think is going to happen when I get a decent job in gaming or music journalism?

Actually I can see my eagerness and amazing talent is probably frightening to perspective employers, and I think that's why I have been unsuccessful in gaining a job in games or music journalism to date...

Sunday 30 May 2010

Why Download Movie Services will never beat pirates.

Easy Rider.

Dennis Hopper died today, and Easy Rider is one of my favourite films. I don't own it, and haven't previously copied it from a friend, so it's not in my collection.

I thought I had it on video tape, but I was wrong... I've got Roadside Prophets instead, which is a homage to Easy Rider and has Adam Horovitz (Adrock from the Beastie Boys) in it...

Anyway, it's very cold outside, the video store is ages away up a hill, I'm warm and toasted, and besides, my flatmate has my video store card and she'd in Adelaide at the moment.

So I thought "aha! These movie download services should have it!" So I looked on Xbox, PS3, and bigpond downloads.


Dennis Hopper has died, and they don't have Easy Rider up on their service.*

These systems are meant to be instant and applicable to modern life. Why isn't there a whole heap of Hopper Films in these libraries?

I know if I did go the video store I could get something he's in that I like - Easy Rider, Blue Velvet, Apocalypse Now.

Look at the instantaneous nature of the rest of the web: heaps of people are posting and linking youtube videos to their facebook in tribute to him.

And when I look at the torrents sites, I find it instantly, and with the amount of interest in the film there are thousands of others downloading it, meaning I can grab it within an hour.

This is such a huge wasted opportunity for the Movie Industry as a whole, and also the download services provided by Sony, Microsoft and Bigpond, and if these services want to compete with piracy and traditional retail stores, then they've got to offer something pirates and retail stores do but at a better quality and better price and move to take advantage of the immediacy of the internet.

*EDIT: I did find it in the iPhone Store, but I'm not going to buy it if I can't watch it through my TV. I stream video through my Xbox or PS3 to the TV. I'm not hooked up otherwise, so can't stream Apple bought shows through the house to the TV without first hacking them.

If anyone knows an easy way to do this let me know ;)

Monday 24 May 2010


OK, with YouTube now bringing music clips to the masses, I thought I'd start a weekly "If I were to host Rage" post showcasing my favourite songs and more importantly why I like them

I can't remember who introduced me to Cracker, but this song reminds me of being a teenager. I definitely love the lyric "what the world needs now is another folk singer like I need a hole in the head"
Cracker - Teen Angst.

This reminds me of my good mates back in Adelaide. We used to play D&D and Doom together. Once, my friend Kris started singing alternative lyrics to this song when we were driving and we almost had an accident we were laughing so hard. I still giggle when I hear it.
Queen - Bicycle Race

This was one of the first records I owned. I used to scratch it up on my mum's turntable. She busted me once and I got a hiding and didn't touch records for another 10 years.
Herbie Hancock - Rockit

This track reminds me of when I changed my mind about being in love with a certain girl.
Lyrics Born - I Changed My Mind

Pop Will Eat Itself hold a very special place in my heart, because their music led me places I probably wouldn't have ventured if I never heard them. It was them who led me to Electronic and HipHop music.

Lots of people have songs which remind them of other people and other times. This song in particular reminds me of who I am and why I'm still here.
Pop Will Eat Itself - Dance of the Mad Bastards

Wednesday 19 May 2010


All these opinion pages and blogs and journalists have simply got it wrong.  

I can't understand why none of the so-called political pundits can't figure out what the UK poll, what the Tasmanian Poll, the SA Poll, what the closeness of the Obama win, and so on and so on REALLY means.

It doesn't mean Conservative / Right are winning / losing to the Progressive / Left.

It means people are sick of the current political process. They're sick of the two party political system. They're sick of Lib / Lab, Lab / Tory, Dem / Reps. Sick of the corruption and the lies and the spin. Sick of being fucked over by big business with the support of big government.

Mark my words. By the end of this decade, there will be a land war in Europe and it will be in part because the people were simply fed up with the political processes which result in parties which are too similar, and will vote in an extremist party of some kind who will either a) kill a whole lot of people who they believe don't belong or b) invade another country because of a).

Wednesday 5 May 2010

Help me Obi Wan...

So, I just had my friend around, and we worked on getting her resume from PDF into an editable format.

I won't go into details, a google search will help you do it if you ever need it done, but it made me realise that I really like helping people, especially one on one.

I like showing them how to do things, how to solve issues and how to get the best out of what they are working with.

Because even with what I do know about the topic at hand, I'll still discover things I didn't in helping other people out.

My assistant producer role was like this. I helped people do stuff they couldn't, whether it was through lack of knowledge or lack of time. And I learned so much about the process of making games.

Even though they're pitching my new role in the call centre as being very similar, I'm not entirely sure I'm going to be as good in it. I don't know, I just find something disagreeable about it at the moment.

I hope my trainers and I can identify my issues and work on it before it gets too late and I simply hate the job altogether.

Monday 3 May 2010

First day of the rest of my life?

OK, so I completed my first day at PCI today.

It took me over an hour to get there by public transport, and even longer to get home. Thing is, I if I rode a bike, it wouldn't take longer than half an hour I reckon! Must discover a better route, especially if I ever have early starts.

On my first day, it felt a lot like being back in highschool.

That's not a criticism, just a statement. After all, our trainer was a highschool teacher, and we were sat in a class with a whole heap of people we didn't know. It was that kind of nervous and excited feeling.

We did a heap of team building stuff, as well as "get to know you" things. There's a few DJs and musos in my group, so that's pretty cool.

Although... and don't get me wrong, the place seems really cool and laid back... we met the "big boss" and he was pretty damn laid back, and PCI seems to have a culture that's rather casual, fun even, as long as you get your work done. The people who work there look happy, and you can tell on the whole people enjoy their jobs.

Thing is... It's just that finding out so many people were DJs/musos reminded me of Spaced, season 2 episode 3 called "Mettle", where Daisy is working in that horrid kitchen in an excellent take off of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest...

Daisy: I can't do this!
Tina (aka the evil nurse): Excuse me?
Daisy: I'm a writer. I'm creative. I'm not a "mopper'"
Tina: They're all writers Daisy.
Daisy: (incredulous) What?
Tina: All the staff here are writers.
Daisy: Not Harris
Tina: Haikus I believe. Charlie there is an actor but he's writing some play...
Daisy: Even Billy?
Tina: Even Billy.
Billy: (stutters) I...I..I was published in '97. It was just a short story... I came here in '98
Tina: They're all creative Daisy. Not just you. Now get creative with this (throws mop at her)

The video is available on youtube (sorry, no embedding, and the bit starts at 6:50... However, I recommend watching the whole episode! It's awesome!)

Tuesday 27 April 2010

Last day at Krome tomorrow

It will be my last day at Krome tomorrow.

I'm unemployed once again!

Fortunately I've got an interview on Thursday for a job which starts Friday, which is completely divorced from the Games Industry.

Not sure if I can do it to be honest. I've had shit jobs before, and whilst this one won't be as shit as them, it won't be what I want to do.

I want to achieve my goal of being a producer on a big title (essentially I want to be 'the next' Dude Huge) but with so many good people out of work all over the world it is incredibly competitive at the moment.

As I'm older than 35, and I don't have a US, Canadian or UK passport it makes the whole process a hell of a lot harder for me to be competitive.

So, I've been looking outside the Games Industry at stable employment.

I guess if I get it, I'll go with an open mind and try and enjoy a new experience.

Sunday 25 April 2010

Anzac Day

Although I'm pretty much a pacifist (although I think politicians who favour party over people should be hung) I'm someone who appreciates Anzac Day.

I've have a few friends who either are or were in the Forces, and plus my Uncle and Aunts served too, so there's army blood in me.

Also, whilst at times I've argued that the wars the Anzacs fought in didn't make a difference to the overall working of the world - for all Hitler's posturing, he was still a capitalist and capitalism has a way of making sure no matter who thinks they're in charge it's the correct functioning of capitalism which is most important - the fact of the matter is those people who fought, survived and died in those wars believed they could make a difference, and were willing to fight for that.

Because that's what is important - willingness to die for a cause, something intangible and noble.

I'll never fight for Australia, because it's only a freak accident I was born here.

But I would fight for my beliefs and my rights, because they're something I think I've earned, and more importantly, deserve to keep.

Saturday 24 April 2010

Looking for work, again.

Ok, so I missed a few days.

But it's going much better than I expected. I've posted 5 days out of 7, which I think is a record.

My social life is catching up with me so just a short post today.

I'm on the look out for a new job, so to anyone in the Games Industry if you have a Senior QA Lead or Assistant Producer role available, let me know via the links in my profile.

Anyone else, if you need a Writer/Journalist/Communications Officer, IT /Office Manager, or QA tester, again please let me know!

Wednesday 21 April 2010

More layoffs

There were more layoffs at Krome today.

This time it was mostly in Brisbane, but about 5 guys in Melbourne were let go too, which makes it near 100 people in the last 3 months, or a third of the company.

How can an industry which makes so much money be laying off so many people?

I mean, I know why, it's just that no one seems to give a shit.

Everyone is jumping on the mobile/facebook bandwagon, and that might make you a quick buck, but it's terrible for long term stability of the industry.

Problem is, if we're not careful there won't be anyone left in Australia to make games any more - not big budget PS3 / Xbox360 / Wii titles any way.

I used to agree with Walshy when he said Australian Games companies didn't need Government support. His argument was that if we had government support, we'd be forced to make silly games that were culturally relevant to Australia, pretty much like film has to. There's no market for that kind of thing outside Australia, and it's devoting resources away from the main income sources for games companies.

I mean, can you imagine Rabbit Proof Fence: The Game?

But it's obvious to me now that was a misguided and somewhat short sighted statement.

Sure, no one could have predicted the Global Financial Crisis, but if we secured tax breaks for Australian Games Studios, Krome and the other studios that have bled staff and even closed down over the last year would have been buffered from it like other industries have been.

And looking at other film funding initiatives - mostly state based - there's hardly any requirement to be culturally relevant.

And so what if there was? Make a silly game for school kids based on Ned Kelly's life for example, then make something decent for wider audience - at least there would be people still employed. It would be no different to the current projects Krome is trying to become involved in (which, due to NDA agreements, I can't go into).

Tuesday 20 April 2010


Just found out it's being reported that GURU of Gangstarr and Jazzmatazz fame has lost his fight with Cancer.

I'm holding out hope it's not true, but he has been sick for a while now according to other things I've read.

I talked to Guru for a few minutes a few years ago, and he was gracious and kind.


Cool for Cats

I have no love for Kim Kardashian and her fake tits and vacuous personality

Iin fact if I was to choose saving her over saving a cute little kitty cat, it'd be the cat every time.

At least it's in a cat's nature to be a total cunt. Kim has a choice.

But the hate for her about the cat holding is ridiculous beyond even the incredible size of her fake tits.

Have you ever seen a mother kitty pick up it's little kitty in it's claws and carry it in it's little front paws as it walks on it hind legs as it carries it gently to it's bed?


Cats are carried by the scruff of their neck!
It's natural. It's the way cats evolved. 
There is no way Kardashian would hurt that cat holding it like that.

You know, unlike most of these fucking retards in Animal Liberation groups like PETA, I've read Singer's book on Animal Liberation, and in many ways I do agree and share a similar stance.

But the extremism of these fucking stupid  PETA wanker is worse than the Catholics in their perversion of nature. 
They've taken what could was a beneficial response to a situation and corrupted it by taking it to the extreme limits of human comprehension, along the way forgetting their purpose and goals.
Supporters of PETA are a fucking disgrace to the human race.
Fuck I hate PETA. Fuck off you shit excuses for human beings.

Monday 19 April 2010


I wrote a big post about Public Transport on my iPhone, but discovered after closing the blogger app it doesn't save it unless you press "save".

Oh well, live and learn.


I think it's so cool so many people are impressed when I tell them I work for a games company.

I was on the phone to this girl about my banking issues, and she started talking about how none of the people in her office play videogames, and thinks it was cool how I did.

In retrospect, I probably should have asked her out...

Sunday 18 April 2010

Five Minutes of Funk

You may have noticed a change of name of this blog from Sound Off to Five Minutes of Funk.

I figure with internet at home, at work, and on my phone, I should be doing more with this interconnectivity, as well as better justify internet fees, at least to myself.

So, I'll be endeavouring to post for 5 minutes (or there abouts) every day.

Unlike previously with this blog, that may mean a lot more inane stuff, although when it comes down to it I am still me and will undoubtedly post things which are gratuitous self promotion, my wise and learned opinion on all things musical, watchable, readable or playable, or just me ranting about whatever.

As usual, I'll try to avoid blogging about feelings and personal shit, as that hardly interests me so why should it interest you?

I'll also feed into the blog from facebook and twitter, and vice versa.

I've got another idea I want to get off the ground that I want to call Sound Off... so keep an eye and ear out for that ;)

Tuesday 13 April 2010


Here's a list of the games I've worked on since 2003.

Krome Studios Melbourne:
QA on Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole on PS3, Xbox360 and Wii
QA on Game Room on Xbox360
Assistant Producer on unannounced and cancelled Wii title
Assistant Producer on Transformers: Rise of the Fallen on Wii/PS2
Lead QA on SceneIt? Box Office Smash on Xbox360
QA on Star Wars: The Force Unleashed on Wii
QA on Hellboy: Science of Evil on Xbox360 & PSP
QA on The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels on Wii

Krome Studios Adelaide:
Senior QA on Star Wars: The Force Unleashed on PSP
QA on The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night on Wii
QA on The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning on PS2

Ratbag / Midway Australia
Lead QA for Ratbag Games Tools
QA on Wheelman on PS2 (cancelled)
Lead QA on Speedway Sprintcars (PAL) on PS2
QA on Saturday Night Speedway on PS2 and PC
QA on Dukes of Hazzard:Return of the General Lee on Xbox

15 games and 1 set of tools. Not bad for a 7 year career that includes two layoffs in two different cities

Tuesday 16 March 2010

Game Room

For those of you who like old games and want to spend fake but real money on them...

Remember pumping quarters into your favorite video games at the classic arcade or passing the joystick between friends on the couch after school? Nothing could beat the sights and sounds of the arcade, with all the colorfully decorated cabinets, or the endless hours of console competition with friends, trumping the top score and mastering the machine.

This spring, “Game Room” on Xbox LIVE lets you relive the glory days of classic arcade games in their original forms. Your avatar will take part in the original sights, sounds and gameplay that will make these retro games come alive on your Xbox 360 and Windows-based PC in one fast, fun experience.

  • Game Features
    • Relive the glory days of the classic arcade. “Game Room” replicates the old-school look, sound and feel of a retro video game arcade. At launch, “Game Room” will bring you a library of 30 original arcade and console classics such as “Centipede®” and “Asteroids Deluxe®” from Atari Inc. and other favorites from Activision Inc., Intellivision, Konami Corp. and more, all shown in their original cabinets. Create a brand-new social environment your avatar can explore, trick out your “game room” by arranging your cabinets, and decorate each room with themes and animated icons from your favorite games. With weekly new title releases, your arcade will soon be retrofitted to perfection.
    • Prove you’re the arcade master. Think you have what it takes? Challenge friends to beat your high score by sending custom challenges and taunts across platforms, earn Achievements, unlock levels and climb your way to the top of universal leader boards. Compete in ranked mode, in which you play against other Xbox LIVE members on the world leader board, or challenge mode, in which you take turns playing a game. “Game Room” also offers local Couch Play mode for up to two players — how will you duke it out for arcade supremacy? Enjoy a seamless experience across Xbox 360 and Windows-based PCs as you share games, track your progress and jump back into the game, no matter which of the two platforms you’re on. You can even invite friends into your custom arcade to check out your collection or visit their “game room” to demo games and scope out additions to your collection.
    • Buy “Game Room” titles once and play on both your Xbox 360 and Windows-based PC. Enjoy the freedom of buying games for “Game Room” once and playing on both Xbox 360 and a Windows-based PC for about the same price as a DVD rental. Those who prefer to play on a single platform can purchase individual games for either Xbox 360 or a Windows-based PC at a lower price point, or even pay to play a single game just like in the old arcades. See how long you can last on a single token!

    How Do I Play?

    An Xbox 360 console or Windows-based PC and an Internet connection are all you need* to access “Game Room.” “Game Room” and associated games can be found on your Xbox 360 in the Xbox LIVE Games Marketplace or in the Games for Windows — LIVE client on your Windows-based PC.

    How Much Does It Cost?

    It is free to download “Game Room,” which you can then populate with classic arcade games available for individual purchase. Buy games once and play on both an Xbox 360 system and a Windows-based PC for 400 Microsoft Points. Or, to purchase a game for only one platform, each individual Xbox 360 or Windows-based PC title is 240 Microsoft Points. You also have the option to pay to play a single game, just like dropping two quarters in the slot in the old arcades, for 40 Microsoft Points. Visit your friends’ “game rooms” and try their games free before you buy. | Game Room - Game Detail Page


(PS: this is blatant self promotion for myself and my company, but the more people we get interested in it, the longer I can keep my job!)

Monday 8 March 2010

Comment of the Week

After winning the Kotaku Bioshock 2 prize, I've now got the comment of the week at Gizmodo!

You know, I'm thinking I should start doing this whole writing thing full time... ;)

Sunday 28 February 2010

DJs I've seen

This list is far from complete.

I've been to hundreds of shows, wandering from room to room, and my memory is not the greatest at the best of times.

So if anyone out there can help me out, remembers seeing something with me that I've missed, let me know! It will be greatly appreciated!

Adam Freeland
Ali B
Amon Tobin
Andy C
Aphex Twin
Atomic Hooligan
Bad Company
Baobinga & ID
Bob Sinclair
Carl Cox
Cash Money
Chemical Brothers
Cut Chemist
Cut Le Rock
D Bridge
Dave Clarke
Deekline & Wizard
Digital Primate
Doc Scott
Dom & Roland
Drummatic Twins
Dub Pistols
Dynamo Productions
Elite Force
Ellis Dee
Evil Nine
Fat Boy Slim
Felix Da Housecat
Nick Warren
X-Press 2
Food & DK
Freq Nasty
Grand Master Flash
Groove Rider
High Contrast
Ian Pooly
J Majik
James Zabiela
Jazzy Jeff
John B
Josh Wink
Kid Koala
Koma & Bones
Krafty Kuts
Krust & Die
Layo & Bushwacka
Lee Coombs
London Electricity
LTJ Bukem
Luke Vibert
Mark Rae
Masters At Work
Midfield General
Mix Master Mike
Mr Scruff
Paul Oakenfield
Plump DJs
Q Bert
Rae & Christian
Richie Hawtin
Rico Tubbs
Rob Swift
Roc Raida
Roger Sanchez
Scott Brown
Scratch Perverts
Skool of Thought
Soul of Man
Stanton Warriors
State of Mind
Sven Vath
The Herbaliser
The Nextmen
The Rogue Element
Tom Middleton
Top Buzz
Total Science
Z Trip

Oh, and I've left off Australian DJs because, although I think most of them are fantastic and easily some of the best in the world, there are just too many of them and I don't want to offend someone by leaving them off :)

Bands I've seen (complete list)

Here's the almost complete list... I'm sure I'm missing some ;)

I've also included DJ "live shows" like Shadow & Cut Chemist, Kid Koala, Daft Punk and so on... shows good enough to transcend the simple mixing of records to be a full show.

The ones in bold are the one's I saw in the last year or so.

1200 Techniques
Afro Celt Sound System
Afrobeat Public Opinion Orchestra
Alien Ant Farm
Amp Fiddler
Aphex Twin
Atari Teenage Riot
Basement Jaxx
Beastie Boys
Beasts of Bourbon
Beth Orton
Billy Bragg
Black Eyed Peas
Bloc Party
Blue King Brown
Body Count
Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine
Cat Power
Cooking on 3 Burners
Cosmic Psychos
Cypress Hill
Daft Punk
Def FX
Depeche Mode
Dilated Peoples
Dizzee Rascal
DJ Shadow
DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist
Easy Star All Stars
Faith No More
Fat Freddy's Drop
Fear Factory
Femi Kuti
Foo Fighters
Franz Ferdinand
Gnarls Barkley
Good Buddha
Gorilla's Sound System
Gotan Project
Handsome Boy Modeling School
Happy Mondays
Headless Chickens
Hilltop Hoods
Hilltop Hoods & Adelaide Symphony Orchestra
Hoodoo Gurus
Human League
Hunters and Collectors
Ice T
Iggy Pop
Inspiral Carpets
Itch-E & Scratch-E
James Brown
Jamie T & the Pacemakers
Jarvis Cocker
John Butler Trio
Jungle Brothers
Jurassic 5
Kid Koala
Kaiser Chiefs
Leningrad Cowboys
Lou Reed
Luke Slater’s Freek Funk
Lyrics Born
Machine Gun Fellatio
Magic Dirt
Mark Ronson's Version
Massive Attack
Midnight Juggernauts
Midnight Oil
Muph & Plutonic
My Chemical Romance
Neon Indian
New Order
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Nightmares On Wax
Nine Inch Nails
Paul McCartney
Pendulum Live
Pet Shop Boys
Peter Gabriel
Pop Will Eat Itself
Porno for Pyros
Primal Scream
Public Enemy
Queens of the Stone Age
Rage Against The Machine
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Resin Dogs
Roni Size’s Raprezent
Roots Manuva
Roy Ayres
Salmonella Dub
Sarah Jones & the Dap Kings
Scissor Sisters
Snoop Dog
Snow Patrol
Sonic Animation
Sonic Youth
Spank Rock
St. Germain
Stereo MCs
Stevie Wonder
Stone Roses
The Avalanches
The Bamboos
The Breeders
The Cat Empire
The Chemical Brothers
The Clouds
The Cruel Sea
The Crystal Method
The Cult
The Cure
The Dandy Warhols
The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
The Donnas
The Flaming Lips
The Hard Ons
The Herd
The Killers
The Living End
The Offspring
The Presets
The Rapture
The Red Eyes
The Roots
The Smashing Pumpkins
The Specials
The Stranglers
The Streets
The Strokes
The Swiss
The Tea Party
The White Stripes
Ugly Duckling
Urge Overkill
Violent Femmes
You Am I

Thursday 18 February 2010

I am a winner!

Despite a few people grumbling about it (Rapture IS a utopia, dumbasses!) I won a copy of the Bioshock 2 prize pack from Kotaku!

Here's my entry:

(sung to the tune of Blondie’s “Rapture")

Toe to toe
fighting very close
Plasmids firing
until you’re comatose
Wall to wall
Daddy’s hypnotised
And they’re stepping heavily
Stuck each night in Rapture

Gathering Adam
little sisters
Spindly movements
And a mass attack

Face to face
simply terrified
And it’s finger chopping
Twenty-four hour dying in Rapture

Tenenbaum told me everybody’s high
Atlas spinnin’ not savin’ my mind
Adam is fast, Adam is cool
Fontain say don’t be a fool
And you don’t stop, Suchong
Ryan is makin’ you do wrong

And you get in your sphere and you trip real far
And you dive all night and you’ll see no light
And it fills with water and sinks to the ground
And out comes a man from above
And you try to run but he’s got a gun
And he shoots your head and freezes you dead
And then you’re in the main foyer
Dancing with an ex-lawyer
You kill many slicers
to make the place nicer
And you don’t stop, you keep on killing stars
And you just get more scars
You go out at night and into the deserted streets
Race to face, fight cheek to cheek
One to many and man on man
Fighting toe to toe
Don’t move too slow, ’cause the Big Dad
Is through with slicers and he’s very mad
wall to wall, Through door and door, up hall to hall
He’s gonna get ‘em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
You’ll strain your brain, go insane
You’ll be singin’ la la in the rain
I said don’t stop, drop a block

Well now you see what you wanna be
Make your choice on the VT
‘Cause the man upstairs he won’t care
And now he’s gone back down to hell
None of this bodes too well
And you flip flop, but you don’t stop
Just blast em with a sure shot
‘Cause the man over there is killing and screaming
And now he smokes cigars, level up!

Monday 15 February 2010

AC [lightning bolt] DC

So I've finally seen AC/DC.

It comes as a shock to many people that I'm an AC/DC fan.

But AC/DC remind me of my youth. I remember sitting up all night listening to AC/DC with Philly D as we played computer games.

So why deny my bogan heritage any longer? Sure, during the 90s I essentially shunned AC/DC, and I fucking hated growing up in Elizabeth, but then I just lost the hate. The people I grew up, many of whom I'm still proud to call friends, shaped me into the person I am today, and the music we listened to was a massive part of that.

And Back in Black is one of the world's greatest albums, especially considering the time it was made, and It's A Long Way To The Top is one on the world's greatest songs.

So, when they announced the tour, I wasn't going to miss out. I camped by the internet and hit refresh until I snagged a ticket to the Melbourne Saturday night concert. Sure, it's not as exciting and romantic as camping out for days under blankets sharing the camaraderie that line waiting brings, but it's a fuckload easier.

After losing my job last November, I was a little worried I wouldn't be able to make it. Job offers from interstate and overseas never eventuated, so the worry was misplaced.

Getting to Etihad Stadium was easy - the train stops just outside, although I had to find a internet cafe to print my ticket out. Thank the universe for the internet!

I got in just as Calling All Cars finished. I downed a few scotches and then found a nice spot mid centre of the stadium. It was pretty packed even at 7:30pm, and although I could have pushed my way further to the front, I knew there would be cameras and screens, so I just didn't feel the need to.

Wolfmother opened for them, and were really good. They kicked off with Dimension, then played a couple of new songs, then got the crowd singing with Woman. During the slow bit of White Unicorn, you know, the bit that sounds like Riders on the Storm, they actually started playing Riders of the Storm. Stockdale's voice is perfect for a Doors cover, and I'm surprised they don't do more of them. They closed with Joker & Thief.

I thought they were a brilliant selection for AC/DC's opening band. They're liked well enough by a wide range of people that people would be singing along, rocky enough to fit in with the overall vibe of the gig, yet not good enough to overpower AC/DC (if that was indeed possible).

After a short wait, the screens lit up and showed a short video of the band on a train. Full of childish innuendo and sexually suggestive images, the "train" then smashed onto the stage as the band played Rock and Roll train. Right from this very first moment I knew we were in for a rocking show!

They played another off their new album, something I'm not overly familiar with, and then got into the older tunes. Dirty Deeds, Shot down in Flames, and Thunderstruck. All the while the whole audience is singing and screaming and having a great old time.

But things really got wild when Brian started singing She's Got The Jack. The screen started showing all the girls on the guys shoulders, and up came the shirts. Brian even said "get your eyes off those titties" at one point, and then Angus started his strip. Much like Devo, these old rockers still know how to entertain.

The classics came thick and fast. The bell lowered for Hells Bells, with Brian swinging from the bottom of it. Shoot to thrill and War machine - a track I do know off Black Ice - had cool visuals with the live action on stage, but nothing was as cool as High Voltage, done as a tribute to Bon Scott with his grinning face looking down at the thousands singing along with his lyrics.

More classics - You Shook Me All Night Long, TNT and Whole Lotta Rosie, which featured a massive fat lady riding the train. Let there be Rock was where Angus got loose, and showed that even at 60 he can still play that guitar well. The encore of Highway to Hell and For those about to Rock was absolutely brilliant.

I would have liked to hear more of my favourite songs - If You Want Blood and Who Made Who would have been nice, but overall I couldn't have been happier with the set. This was what a rock concert should be like! Entertaining and fun, no matter what was played.

I felt the same after AC/DC as I did after Madness, Devo, Primal Scream and The Specials last year. Sometimes I admit I caught up in too much negativity and cynicism, and it takes old farts like these to remind me life is all about having fun. If they can do it at 60, then I should be doing it now, and keep doing it until I'm 60, too.

Friday 5 February 2010


I wrote this as a response to a Crikey commentator. It's essentially what I wrote in Uni about journalism in one of my essays, and it's something I've been meaning to post for a while...

The only role ACA / TT play in society is to sell advertising to those too lazy to switch the channel after the news.

If you think it’s anything else, then you’re an idiot. Simple as that.

However, before you have a go at me for being “puffed up with moral superiority” I also think this of MOST journalism. Including Crikey.

Journalism has never been about the “Truth”. It’s never been about “Facts”. It’s never been about “Democracy”. It’s never been about “Reality”.

Journalism’s first and continued motivation is profit for the owners.

The very first broadsheets were advertising forums for shipping services, designed to profit those who advertised. These morphed into the first newspapers and they too were all about profit.

The very first photo published in a magazine was a montage - two images spliced together. Never mind the fact that this was the first photo published in a magazine - that wasn’t sensational enough - so they had to fake the truth of that photo.

And this sensationalism and profiteering has always existed in the media. The fact that some of it does some good in the world doesn’t excuse or counter this very basic fact about media.

If I make a good product, you’ll buy it. Likewise with media - it’s simply a product. If someone makes good media - and the definition of “good” changes with the individual - people will consume it.

When ACA expose a charlatan, don’t think for a minute they’re doing it for “the good of the people” - they want people to view the adverts and to make a profit out of that.

Likewise, Crikey’s exposure of the tactics ACA use is fantastic, but don’t think for a minute this was published for any other reason than making people want to subscribe to Crikey.

I want to expand on it later too. I think some may view this as extremely cynical, but I don't, and will explain why in a later post.

Tuesday 19 January 2010


I finally saw Avatar today...

I thought it was a terribly poor and completely transparent, over preachy morality play, with a sappy, predictable and tedious story, barely saved by the admittedly impressive special effects and creature/vehicle design.

Next time you make the world's most expensive movie James, I think you need to spend more money on the actual story...

Sunday 17 January 2010

Top Games for 2009

My top games I've played for 2009 would be:

Fifa 10 (xbox 360)
Such an amazing representation of the World Game.

Batman: Arkham Asylum (PS3)
Great game. Lots of fun and some great characterisation.

Dragon Age: Origins (PC)
So deep and involved. I'm still playing through it for the second time!

Mad World (Wii)
Violent and funny, with a cool and different art aesthetic.

Special mentions to:
Assassin's Creed 2 and Modern Warfare 2.

The worst would have to be:

Indiana Jones and the Staff Of Kings (Wii)
Such terrible execution of the Wiimote. So many times I was doing ridiculous gestures where a button press would suffice.

Friday 15 January 2010

Sydney Trip 2010

Got back from Sydney this week.

On Thursday we did the toursity thing. We took Luke to Circular Quay, the Opera House, the Rocks and Darling Harbour. Found a great pub in the Rocks called the Lord Nelson Brewery Hotel which had some fine micro brews on tap.

On Friday we headed over to Manly, spent the day at the beach swimming and perving. Friday night the guys went out drinking and I went to my friend Lisa and Simon's for dinner. I tried to meet up with them after, but the bouncer at Goldfish wouldn't let me in, claiming I was too drunk. All I had was two beers! The guy was just a fuckhead.

Saturday we went to Bondi. I've been there before, but never swam there. The water was really clear, which surprised me. After swimming we went to the Bavarian Bier Cafe and had Mango Beer and pretzels.

On Sunday was the Days Like This festival.

We got to the Moore Park Entertainment Complex around 12:30, had another Mango Beer, and went in. The venue was small, and there wasn't much seating really, but those were my only complaints.

The Bamboos rocked it at 1:30pm, and must have been hot in those suits! Amp Fiddler was amazing - nice soulful music. We caught the last song of The Swiss which was good, but that stage was running late so we missed Cassette Kids.

Dilated Peoples were great too, but we left early to see Cat Power, who whilst enjoyable was a little too mellow and bluesy for this kind of festival. We missed Ugly Duckling as we couldn't get in to that area again.

Caught Neon Indian instead, who were pretty cool. Roots Manuva was awesome as ever, with Ricky Rankin and a new guy adding greatly to the sound.

We made our way into the "dance" area and caught the end of Joker... all I'll say about that is dubstep sucks even more when you put rnb vocals in it. Bukem and Conrad rocked up late and the sound was horrendous, so I left and saw Nextmen.

Interestingly, Nextmen had a bigger crowd than Bukem, and I loved it, that is until they started playing dubstep *sigh* They even played a riverside dubstep remix *double sigh*

Returned to Bukem via Pivot (I think) where the drummer was thumping like a mad cunt! Conrad's microphone was still too loud, but the sound was much better overall. I guess the sound guy had stopped chatting up the girl he was talking to and actually did his job...

Then Marky and Stamina jumped up and sounded great, with the crowd going nuts to Marky's scratching. Left to see Redman and Method man for about 15 minutes, but the dnb was better, so returned just to see Marky start playing some old house and cheesy hiphop, which was awesome too.

It was a rather small party, but the vibe reminded me of the first BDO in Adelaide - just lots of happy people there who were music lovers, not party goers.

No short shorts on men, no steroid juice heads (although there were a few drunk topless guys... but it was Sydney after all), no women dressed like they should be on a catwalk... just an awesome crowd listening to awesome music.

Would definitely go again next year, depending on the line up.

On Monday we hired a car and headed to the Blue Mountains. A day of dancing followed by a day of hiking nearly killed me. I think my new years resolution is to get a little fitter.

Damo's got most of the photos on his camera, although I took my camera to the Blue Mountains, and will put them online soon.

We had a great time over there, although I am a little sad "the band" has broken up as Damo has headed off to South America for 4 months.