Art Movements for Fun and Profit

I went to the Art Gallery a while back with my friend Ritters, and we wandered into the "modern art" section.

Looking at the ridiculous painting of white on white, and a long beam painted black, and other equally rubbish "artworks" got me thinking.

Warhol, Picasso, Dali, etc were all part of different movements. A single yet diverse field of artists united with a common goal. You know this, of course.

You also know they made money out of it.

So, I theorised that to make money from Art, you need to be part of a movement.

Based on minimalist modern art, I've come up with a sure fire way to make money out of art with the amount of work.

It shall be called "Lazyism".

Unfinished pieces. Splatters on canvas. Hell, splatters on the drop rug. "Found art". "Reimagined art". Pastiche / cut and paste. Photochops. Unedited Video. Photos. You know, stuff anybody could do, and everybody does.

The thing is, you need to stand apart from everybody else. The way to do this these days is not to actually do something different with your art, but just market yourself as if you're different.

I could do a show all about lazy works, charge $5 a head, sell the works for few hundred!

(although technically putting on a show doesn't follow the Lazyism creed, but we can work around that for now)

I will be rich... eventually, when people realise my genius!

I've already started on my first piece. I'm going to get a piece of canvas and lay it on the ground. Throw some paint on it, and then leave it. Let bugs and dirt and leaves and shit fall on it.

Sure, I'm too lazy to start it yet, but I will eventually.

But I'll also need other works.

So, artists, I'm sure you'd have half finished stuff around you've got no time to finish.

I say fuck it, we'll just show it. You don't need to do anything to it. In fact, doing something to it is against the Lazyism creed!

(By the way, I actually typed this back when Ritters was over visiting... I've just been too lazy to post it, until now. Now I need the money...)

"You're a bit of an asshole, aren't you"

I was at this club I've been to a couple of times, and I actually never knew the area was Collingwood until Saturday night

Anyway, I'm standing there talking to this guy about him being in the Cech Army, as you do, when this girl whos' sitting on a chair on the table opposite me looks at me and gestures for me to come over.

I think "allllllrrrright!!!" and gingerly go over to her, and lean down to hear her.

She says: "You're a bit of an asshole, aren't you".

Sure, I've been out of the game for a while, but I gotta admit that's the strangest pick up line I've ever heard. However, she was obviously a Collingwood supporter, so you know, could be their mating call.

I say "how do you mean?"

She then dribbles some shit about me talking about her. Somehow, even though until the point where she gestured to me did I even look in her direction, she thought we were talking about her.

I just looked at her. I was dumbfounded.

Then I said "Sorry love, you're mistaken" and wandered off. Of course, after this incident, I proceeded to talk about her, telling my friends of just what happened (they all thought I was going to pick up too)

Fucking Collingwood supporters.